


I Don't Think We Can Blame This One On Ken

by glitchly



Category: THE iDOLM@STER, THE iDOLM@STER: SideM
Genre: Christmas, also gomen that this ended up more centred on shouta and yuusuke than I would've liked it to be, also this producer is one I headcanoned for a long time instead of the one from the anime asdfghjkl, first time writing wuh so gomennesorry if the aoi brothers get ooc, sidem secret santa, so please don't think I'm writing producer ooc it's just.not that producer ok, uhhhh I'm pretty sure that's all the characters in this lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-23 22:34:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17089010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitchly/pseuds/glitchly
Summary: When Producer put Jupiter and W in charge of the 315Pro Christmas party this year, they promised to make it the best party ever, filled with innovative ideas and entertainment.What they didn't promise was Shouta and Yuusuke being left unattended and ruining the office.





	I Don't Think We Can Blame This One On Ken

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Moni, aka @wupiter on twitter as part of a SideM Secret Santa event!
> 
> Merry Christmas Moni! I hope you enjoy this fic as much as I enjoyed (read: screamed) making it!

Oh no.

Those were the first two words that came to mind. Those were the words that first flashed through Touma's head as he looked at the Producer, who smiled as he held up the two pieces of paper.

"Jupiter, W, we're leaving this all up to you!" The Producer grinned, looking at the two groups, "Do your best, ok?"  
At first, Touma didn't seem to mind too much. Someone had to be the party planner, and it seemed like a fair idea to choose it via random selection. He was confident that he could do a good job, and having _the_ Aoi brothers on their side for this only seemed to make things easier.

That was what he thought at first.

"Hey, what if we went for a theme no one would expect, huh?" Shouta grinned, "Let's put a fire pit in the main office!"  
"Oh, nice idea!" Yuusuke nodded, "We can put tons of streamers up too!"  
"But won't the streamers catch fire if there's flames in the office...?" Kyousuke pointed out, a look of worry on his face.  
"Nah, not if you put the streamers on the ceiling!" Shouta assured him, hands behind his head in his signature pose, "Then they'll be too high up to catch on fire!"

"No!" Touma glared at Shouta with a look that said he was already stressed out about this, "We're not lighting any fires in the office. We're gonna take this seriously, and we're gonna make this party good, alright?"  
"Awwww, you're no fun, Touma-kun..." Shouta yawned, "Do you have any bright ideas?"  
"Well, no, not right now..." Touma admitted with a sigh, "But it's only been an hour since we got chosen, you can't expect me to have ideas already!"

"How about this?" Hokuto finally spoke up for one of the first times during that meeting, "Why don't we ask everyone else for their opinions? We're throwing this party for them, afterall. It can't hurt to find out if any of them have suggestions for us."  
"Exactly!" Kyousuke agreed with a wide grin, "Does that sound good?"  
"True, but...there's a lot of us here, y'know?" Yuusuke mentioned, resting his head in his hands, "It'd take a while for us to get round to everyone..."  
"Besides, do we really need 5 people to do that?" Shouta pointed out, "It seems like a hassle for all of us to do it."  
"Then only half of us will!" Kyousuke interjected, shrugging casually, "Half of us can go around and ask, and the other half can go elsewhere to come up with a few ideas of their own. That doesn't sound bad, right?"

What Kyousuke got in response was a series of nods and smiles, and what happened next was the second random-chance lottery of the day. A stack of drawing straws to determine who was in charge of what, determining who would stay at the office and conduct the party surveys, and who would head out to try and think up ideas and gather supplies. In any other circumstance, this would be absolutely fine, and there'd be no need to worry over who got put in charge of what.

But Touma and Kyousuke had to take one look at who was in charge of staying behind, and it was in that one look that they realised that a grave error had been made.  
"Shouta, Yuusuke...are you sure you don't want one of us to stay with you?" Kyousuke asked worriedly, "I mean, is two people enough?"  
"Sure!" Shouta replied with a devilish grin, "We can handle it, it's a simple task."  
"Besides, we'll probably be done in an hour or so!" Yuusuke smiled reassuringly, "You three don't need to worry!"  
"Ok, but you'll actually get something done, right?" Touma asked as he stared at them, although it was clear that he was mainly just addressing Shouta here, "You're not gonna take this time to sleep in or do nothing, right?"  
"You can trust me, Touma-kun!" The troublesome teen responded, before over-dramatically frowning and tearing up, "I don't know why you find it so hard to believe in me..."  
"Come on, we can trust them." Hokuto said calmly, resting either hand on Touma's and Kyousuke's shoulders, "We have our own tasks to go and do."  
Albeit reluctantly, Touma and Kyousuke simply nodded in response, before following Hokuto out of the room, both praying that the two troublemakers wouldn't do something ridiculous whilst they were gone.

But they didn't pray hard enough.

Only 30 minutes had passed since the trio had left. Despite all this talk of 'we'll get it done in an hour or so!', Shouta and Yuusuke found themselves staring down a half-empty notebook, covered in unintelligible scribbles and drawings, neither of them knowing what to do.  
"Have we talked to Rei yet?" Yuusuke asked, tapping his fingers against the lobby's table, "A-And did you understand a single thing that Kei said? In fact, was he even awake when we talked to him?"  
"No idea, but I haven't seen Rei all day." Shouta shrugged as he casually doodled random things in the notebook, "The only thing on this page I'm liking right now is Shiki's idea-"  
"I don't think Coach is gonna like it if we cover the lobby in flashing neon lights and a mosh pit." Yuusuke interrupted, "Or at the very least I don't think Kyousuke would ever agree to buy that stuff in the first place."  
"Damn...we've talked to no more than 5 people, and it's been half an hour!" Shouta grumbled, "We still have, like, well over 30 people to get through..."  
"Well, everyone's out buying Christmas presents, aren't they?" Yuusuke pointed out, "Can't you text them?"  
"Phone's got no battery..." Shouta sighed, as he finished colouring in a doodle of himself, "We gotta do something, or Touma-kun and Hokuto-kun are gonna think we're being lazy."

Yuusuke mumbled something under his breath, before turning around to face the Christmas tree that was proudly on display in the center of the room. The current office rumour was that it had taken the Producer an entire 24 hours to decorate, and given how glittery and detailed all the decorations were, that rumour certainly seemed plausible. The entire thing was perfectly colour-coordinated, with all the reds at the bottom, moving up into a collection of orange and yellow tinsel, before finally turning into a shiny series of blues, purples and silvers. The star on top of the tree was definitely the centerpiece of the entire thing, sparkling brightly and bringing the entire thing together perfectly.

"Maybe we can ask Coach to gather everyone for a meeting?" He suggested, eyeing the tree up-and-down, taking in all the different decorations on it.  
"Maybe, but don't you think some people would be annoyed that we called a meeting over something like party suggestions?" Shouta commented as he started on a doodle of Yuusuke, "I can already hear Producer telling us that that's a waste of time and resources and all that."  
"True..." Yuusuke sighed as he stared at Shouta's drawings, "Nice sketches! Buuut maybe we should go find someone to talk to? I don't think everyone's just gonna fall into our lap if we stay sat here, after all."  
"Awwww, I was gonna draw the whole group." Shouta pouted, groaning as he stood up, "But fine, you're right. Maybe if we run like crazy we can search the whole building in an hour."  
"That's the spirit!" Yuusuke smiled, gesturing with a thumbs-up of approval, "C'mon, let's go!"

The two got up, both with varying levels of determination and energy as Shouta flipped through the countless pages of nonsense drawings, trying to find the only page of the notebook that actually had the other idols' suggestions on it. Apart from Shiki's already-shot-down suggestions, some of the other ideas such as Hayato's idea of a mini-live or Asselin's idea to 'envelop the entire world in the chaotic fever of the ice demon' were grabbing the boys' attentions.

"Hey, do you think Ken will give us suggestions?" Shouta pondered, his gaze switching between the nearby Christmas tree and the notebook, "He's gonna be at the party too, right?"  
"Right!" Yuusuke nodded, absentmindedly poking a few of the lights and trinkets on the tree, "We should probably ask Coach too, and whilst we're at it it might not be a bad idea to ask the-"  
A rustling noise sounded out as Yuusuke kept poking and prodding the ornaments on the tree. He stopped himself mid-sentence as he stared down the decorations, a sense of unease enveloping him as he debated whether or not to keep messing with it.

"Hey, do you think Producer's gonna kill us for touching the decorations?" Shouta snickered, now also mentally debating if the scolding he'd get from the Producer would be worth it if he even dared to lay a finger on another ornament.  
"Nah...we can't be killed for it if Coach doesn't know we touched it." Yuusuke shrugged as he took a candy-cane from one of the branches, "Besides, we can just blame Ken if anything goes missing!"

The two giggled a bit as Shouta prodded a few more decorations, messing with the branches and moving the tinsel out of the way to see if there was any candy to be found.   
"We can just replace the candy, right?" He asked, looking over at the orange-haired twin as he searched.  
"Sure thing!" Yuusuke replied, taking the wrapper off of the candy-cane, "Coach will never even know it was gone!"

The duo laughed as this plan was set into place, both of them ignoring the fact that they were yet again getting sidetracked from their one responsibility. It seemed like all the stressing and worrying they'd just had over the entire ordeal had instantly disappeared now that they were presented with something vaguely interesting and fun, or at least something that could help them procrastinate. It's not as though Touma and Kyousuke would find out that they had taken a tiny, small, absolutely unnoticeable break from their task, after all. What they didn't know wouldn't kill them, right?

"Y'know, I'm glad we got picked to stay here." Shouta snickered, nudging Yuusuke with his elbow as he chuckled, "If Touma-kun or Hokuto-kun were here, I'd just get told off and called a glutton for taking even a single piece of candy."  
"Exactly! And I don't think Kyousuke would approve of it either." Yuusuke smiled, lightly shoving Shouta in return for the elbow-nudge.

Or at least Yuusuke intended for it to be a light shove. What instead happened was a slightly-too-forceful push that sent the youngster reeling backwards, and before he could regain his balance, he found himself tripping over nothing in particular; before he knew it-

**CRASH!**

With the loudest thud he'd ever heard, and the sound of tens if not hundreds of decorations hitting the floor, Shouta fell full-force onto the sacred, Producer-loved tree of office legend. With one crash and a panicked look from Yuusuke, it took only a couple of seconds for Shouta to comprehend what had just happened.

"A-Are you ok?" Yuusuke asked hurriedly, trying to drag Shouta out from the pile of toppled-over branches and tinsel, "Are you hurt?"  
"No, but I think I will be when Producer sees all this!" He responded with a panicked, shocked tone, "What do we do? How do we cover this? I don't think this can be covered!"  
"I-It's ok! We'll just say that it fell on its own or something!" Yuusuke lifted Shouta back to his feet with a somewhat terrified expression, "It was covered in tons of objects and all, it could be plausible that-"  
"We'll blame this on Ken." Shouta said alarmingly fast, as though no hesitation or forethought whatsoever was needed, "That's believable, right?"  
"What?? No!" Yuusuke huffed, "We can't blame someone else!"   
"But you said earlier we can blame Ken if anything happens!" Shouta replied, his voice turning shrill and high-pitched as he kept panicking, "You said-"  
"I was joking when I said that!" Yuusuke was trying and failing to keep his voice lowered, but the realisation that he was now in big trouble was making him borderline scream, "I don't think we can blame this one on Ken!"

"What are we gonna do??" Shouta asked, grabbing Yuusuke's shoulder and shaking him as though it would make him come up with a solution.  
"Maybe, we just, uh...put it back up?" Yuusuke suggested, subtly trying to brush Shouta's hand off of him, "I-It can't be that hard, right? If we just put it back up and put all the ornaments back on, no one will even know that we knocked it over!"  
"Really?? Producer spent a whole day on that thing!!" Shouta pointed out, "Touma-kun is expecting us to catch up with him in half-an-hour!"  
"We'll work really quick, ok??" Yuusuke tried to sound assuring as he grabbed the fallen tree, and attempted to pull it back up, "We don't need it to look perfect, just put all the reds at the bottom and the blues at the top and pray that Coach doesn't visit the lobby today!"

With a nod, Shouta grabbed the other end of the tree and tried to push it back up, countless pieces of glitter and random trinkets falling as he pushed. He could feel the luminous, multicoloured glitter seeping into his hair and covering his clothes, but there were far more important things at hand here. What mattered was trying to clean a day's worth of mess in the space of 30 minutes, and whether or not they'd be caught, and just how pissed off the Producer would be if they were caught red-handed.

"What happens if we're found out?" Shouta asked, picking stray strings of fairy lights up from the floor.  
"Let's not think about that unless it actually happens..." Yuusuke sighed, immediately throwing any red ornaments he could find onto the bottom branches, "The faster we get this done, the less likely we are to get caught. Also, do you have anything red?"  
"I'm covered in red glitter, if that counts." Shouta retorted, throwing the fairy lights at the tree.  
"Nevermind..." The older of the two culprits sighed.

**\-----**

The two of them looked on at the monstrosity before them. What had once been a beautiful, glimmering tree covered in the most gorgeous decorations one could ever hope to find in the entire world was now a sad-looking mess of mismatched tinsel, uncoordinated colours and a surprising lack of chocolate and candy-canes (on a probably unrelated note, Shouta and Yuusuke both seemed to be surrounded by several candy wrappers that were not there previously).

Yuusuke looked at the pathetic sight before him, the look in eyes saying that this whole situation was hopeless.  
"D-Do you think the Producer will notice it's been messed with?" Shouta asked, not even looking at his partner-in-crime as he posed the question.  
"We're gonna be killed." Yuusuke lamented, looking like he was only a few seconds away from tearing up, "There's no way to repent for this. We're gonna be found out. We need to leave the country."  
"I'm on board. I'll leave a note for Touma-kun and Hokuto-kun; Kyousuke can be Jupiter's third member now." Shouta said with a shaking voice, "I'm sure they'll understand."  
"I'll miss you, Kyousuke..." Yuusuke whined, trying to rearrange a few of the cracked and dusty ornaments, "Please remember your idiot brother from time to time..."

"I mean...it's not the worst fix ever." Shouta tried to sound reassuring as he dusted some glitter off of his shoulder, "It may look terrible, but it doesn't look ruined or anything, right?"  
"What are we gonna do...it's so obvious that it's been messed with..." Yuusuke kept rearranging the tinsel, "I mean, we didn't even put the star back on top of the tree...actually, I haven't even seen the star anywhere."  
With an anxious look, Yuusuke turned to face Shouta, who in turn had a look that was part guilt and part stress. He stared down the junior with eyes that said if that star wasn't found in the next 5 minutes he'd have a heart attack.  
"I...um..." Shouta dug a hand into his pocket, and without looking at his regretful accomplice, he pulled out a bunch of bright, sparkling, yellow shards.

"Shouta, that better not be-"  
"We may have broken the star."  
"Oh my God."

"I don't know how we're gonna fix this one." Shouta mumbled, staring down the shattered remnants of the star, "We've already taken longer than 30 minutes, fixing this thing is gonna take ages! W-We'd have to find a way to glue it together, and then let the glue settle, and then-"  
"We'll just replace it!" Yuusuke interjected, borderline sweating from nerves, "Keep fixing the tree, I'll go and see if there's any replacements in Coach's office!"  
Before Shouta could get a single word of response in, the soccer player was already dashing out of the room at top speed, rushing to find anything that could save the two of them from the disaster that was only getting worse by the second.

It felt like hours before Yuusuke returned, but in reality it couldn't have been any longer than 10 minutes. A nervous Shouta was rearranging the ornaments to look at least vaguely colour-coded, before getting his attention grabbed by the still-panicking twin.  
"Ok, I found some things that I think could work!" He said, holding a bunch of different items in his arms, "Tell me what you think!"

"This soccer ball that me and Kyousuke accidentally left here last week."  
"It wouldn't fit on top of the tree. Also, it would heavily implicate you in this crime."  
"Kaeru, Pierre's frog plush!"  
"No, Pierre would miss him too much."  
"This plush guy who belongs to Asselin! I forget his name."  
"Wait, you mean Satan? H-Hold up, how did you get that thing away from Asselin without him notic-actually, you know what, don't answer that. It's a no. Put him back where you found him."  
"What about this Dramatic Stars CD I found in Coach's office? Y'know, cuz it's a star?"  
"Uhhh...ok, it's the best thing you've offered so far, I'll consider it."  
"I also found this Santa hat in the office; it probably belongs to Ken."  
"Perfect, we'll go with that."

It took more time than either boy was willing to admit to get that hat on top of the tree, mainly because instead of grabbing a ladder or a chair, their go-to method for reaching the top involved Shouta standing on Yuusuke's shoulders and hoping he didn't fall. Only seconds after Shouta jumped down from his not-so-comfy living stepladder, he could feel his heart skip a beat as the door to the lobby opened with an audible creak.

"Shouta, Yuusuke, are you guys still here?"  
Yuusuke messed with one last string of tinsel before turning to the door, trying to put on a somewhat sincere smile. Shouta quickly stumbled over to Yuusuke and used the boy's shoulder as an armrest, trying to look and act casual.  
"Are you two done yet?" Hokuto's voice entered the room, followed by a trio of idols who were all holding bags filled with various knickknacks and party supplies.  
"Yes! We just finished up now in fact!" Shouta grinned, his voice surprisingly unfaltering as he straight up lied to his unitmates, "We were just about to come find you guys!"

Yuusuke stared at Shouta, not sure if he should be feeling awe or confusion over how swiftly Shouta could think up excuses. He couldn't help but feel that his green-haired friend had experience in things like this.  
"Really? Cuz-" Touma went to speak, before taking a quick glance at the troublesome boy before him and asking, "Shouta, is that glitter in your hair?"  
"Huh?" Shouta blinked, only just remembering that he never dusted off all of the spilled sparkles, "Y-Yes it is, Touma-kun! It's called getting into the festive spirit!"  
"Yeah!" Yuusuke tried to sound calm as he joined in, "We're just excited for the party is all!"

"Ah, that's good to hear." Hokuto nodded, his gaze wandering over to the messy tree behind the two, "Oh, is that the tree of legend?"  
"Oh yeah, I heard it took Coach 48 hours to get it decorated!" Kyousuke nodded, staring it down.  
"Huh? I heard it was 24 hours?" Touma said with a look of confusion, "Though...that tree looks kinda..."  
"Yeah..." Hokuto frowned as he looked on, "For a day of work, it looks a bit...well..."  
"Hey, we aren't here to stare at trees!" Shouta huffed, trying to distract the other members of Jupiter from the horrifying sight behind him, "Don't we have a party to plan, after all?"  
"Oh, yeah...we probably shouldn't get sidetracked, huh?" Kyousuke smiled, not noticing the guilty look Yuusuke and Shouta exchanged as he said that, "Touma, you said we could go back to yours, right?"  
"Huh? Oh, right!" Touma nodded, giving the tree one more suspicious look before leading the way out.

The two guilty idols gave each other a look of relief, before following their unitmates out of the building, hoping to never have to address this absolute catastrophe that they'd caused. And at first, it seemed like that hope had reason behind it; as the days passed, no one such as mentioned that disheveled tree that pathetically lurked in the lobby. No one talked about it, and there didn't seem to be any indication that the Producer knew it had been messed with. That was until the fated day itself, the day that had kickstarted this whole mess in the first place.

The day of the party.

Everything was chilled-out and relaxed. Everyone at 315Pro seemed to be enjoying themselves, and the various streamers on the wall seemed to make the infamous lobby shine brightly. Everyone had gathered for such a festive occasion; even Saitou, the company's president, had arrived to merrily chat with the Producer and his idols. Everything was going perfectly. Shouta and Yuusuke found themselves gravitating towards both each other and the tree, almost as though they were guarding the no-longer-festive spectacular itself, making sure that no one ever questioned its appearance.

"Shouta, do you think Coach has caught on yet?" Yuusuke asked nervously, anxiously tapping the side of his drinks glass, "I mean, I've noticed him staring at the thing a few times..."  
"He's probably noticed that the star is missing." Shouta replied with a frustrated look, "Maybe we should just hope that that's all he's noticed?"  
"I wish, but-"

Before Yuusuke could speak up again, the devil the two had spoke of approached. The feared Producer, decked out in his finest suit for the party, found himself staring at what was previously his masterpiece. Behind him trailed Ken, who smiled merrily. The accountable duo found themselves instinctively turning away, averting the gaze of the man who was probably about to end their lives.  
"Producer, is everything ok?" Ken asked, looking at the Producer and not even registering the several things that were wrong with the nearby ornaments.  
"Hmmm...Ken, did you see anyone touching the tree at all this week?" Producer asked, looking inquisitive as he stared, "This thing is definitely not in the condition I left it in. Someone's messed with it."  
"Who would mess with it though, Producer?" Ken asked, seeming confused over why the Producer looked so serious all of a sudden.  
"I don't know...but whoever it was, I think I've found them out." Producer grumbled with a stern tone.

Shouta and Yuusuke could feel their heartbeats accelerating; the two practically sweated bullets as they eavesdropped in on Producer and Ken's conversation. They both held up their glasses and nodded at each other.  
"It was nice knowing you, Yuusuke." Shouta said with a choked-up voice, "We tried to run from it, but I guess we didn't try hard enough."  
"Y'know, I always thought I'd die by doing something that Kyousuke told me not to do, but I guess this works too." Yuusuke shrugged, speaking with the voice of a man who had accepted his imminent death.  
The two nodded again, and downed their drinks like they were the last drinks they'd ever get to taste.

"Ken...I think the person who messed with my tree is..." Producer looked around the entire room, his gaze going from idol to idol, until it finally rested on the culprit.

"You."

"H-Huh?" Ken blinked, "Me?"  
"Yes. Ken, I know you're clumsy." The Producer stared at Ken; if looks could kill then Ken would definitely be six feet under, "If it was you, you can just tell me."  
The real perpetrators both turned around swiftly, both of them shell-shocked from what they were listening to right now. Had they really just gotten away with it?  
"Huh, well...I don't really remember going anywhere near your tree, Producer..." Ken rubbed the back of his head nervously, as though trying to jog his memory, "But..."  
"But?" Producer raised his brow as he continued this interrogation.  
"Well...ha, you know my memory's awful!" Ken looked slightly shameful as he bowed in apology, "I probably knocked it over and forgot! I'm sorry, Producer!"

"No way..." Yuusuke whispered, absolutely astonished over the way this had turned out, "Did...did we just get away with-"  
"Shush! Don't be too loud, you'll be heard!" Shouta silenced his orange-haired companion, "I kinda can't believe this..."

"It's ok, Ken." Producer sighed, patting Ken's shoulder in affirmation, "You can make up for it by doing all my paperwork for me, understood?"  
"U-Understood, Producer!" Ken mumbled, standing up straight with a look of terror, "This won't happen again, I promise!"  
"I'd like to think so." Producer nodded, walking away from the scene of the crime with an irritated expression, leaving his secretary a shaking mess.

As the Producer walked away, unaware of who was actually responsible for this felony, he missed the relieved expressions of two incredibly guilty, unpunished parties. The two found themselves laughing in somewhat hysterical relief, their ordeal finally over.  
"I guess I was right about blaming Ken." Yuusuke joked, a forced and painful smile turning genuine.  
"Hey, I'm the one who suggested we do that!" Shouta nudged Yuusuke slightly, being careful to not launch him into the tree on accident and repeat the entire disaster, "We worried over nothing!"  
"Nuh uh, I said it first!" The older laughed, before raising his half-empty drinks glass in celebration of a successful getaway.

"Well, Merry Christmas, Shouta!" He grinned.  
"Hah, and a very Merry Christmas to you in return, Yuusuke!" Shouta chuckled, glass raised in solidarity.

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas, everyone!
> 
> (Again, my apologies if anything's ooc...I also intended for a few more scenes involving Kyousuke, Touma and Hokuto but I unfortunately ran out of time to include said scenes aaaaa)


End file.
